BAYB Blog

5/13/2026

To the Alcoholic and the One Who Loves Them

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Like many of us, my internal struggles inspired my initial interest in mental health. There is something mysterious about a mind that belongs to you but won't listen. Now that I've finished my psychology degree, I feel I have some authority when I say I was very misled by what I thought I knew about human behavior and by what I imagined was important.
I am immensely grateful for my education and my ability to understand myself on a psychological level. But my degree and the personal experience I have gained in the last four years has allowed me to recognize how different it is to struggle and to support someone struggling. There is a comfort in personal accountability that simply disappears when we leave the realm of introspection.
What I mean is this: confronting an issue within yourself is a very different battle than confronting one within someone you love. Much of my early experience with mental illness and addiction belonged to the lives of my friends, friends who were still minors. As a child, I never imagined an adult needing that kind of help and being unable to offer it to themselves. As you can imagine, I couldn't have been more wrong.
Over the past few months, I've written about topics that have forced me to sit with this dilemma, one that is largely under addressed in academia. Eating disorders, addiction, and now alcoholism all circle the same painful question in our social lives: What do you do when someone you love is struggling, but doesn't want help?
As alcoholism is a deeply complicated, stigmatized, and personal issue, I have been lucky to gather some responses from people in our Burn Away Your Burden’s community who have struggled with alcoholism themselves.
Robert Scott has been sober for seventeen and a half years. I felt his honest responses should be read in totality, without my commentary.

How did you feel off of alcohol vs on it?
“When I was drinking, I felt like I was fun. Like I could be myself. I told jokes, made friends, played games and such. Because I am a loner at heart, I felt the booze could make me feel social. The initial feelings of being off of alcohol were insecurity, fear, and vulnerability. Alcohol was my crutch to cope with everything. Every pain, every ill feeling, every happy feeling. Leaving it behind felt like being nude in a crowd of strangers.”
What approach, if any, could have been safe and eye-opening for you?
“There was no approach that could change my habits. Every person who approached me about my drinking or punished me for it was immediately removed from my consciousness. I wanted nothing to do with critics of my habits.”

When does it become a problem, when did you notice it become a problem?
“I only noticed it was a problem after I was arrested for a third DUI. It was in a drunk tank when all I wanted to do was die. My family was disappointed in me, no woman wanted to be with me, and I had no direction in my life. It was in that room that I made the decision to call my Employee Assistance Provider and go to a rehab out of state. That was 17 and one half years ago, at this writing. Every day I must remind myself that I am no good to myself or anyone else should I succumb to my addiction.”

Our second respondent, who asked to remain anonymous, put it simply: off alcohol, they felt miserable and depressed; on it, they didn't care much. The problem, they said, announced itself when drinking became a priority over everything else, when it interfered with normal everyday life. When asked “what approach could have been safe for you,” they said almost anything else, such as working out or finding a new hobby. As for eye opening, “it usually takes hitting rock bottom for that to happen when you’re spiraling like that.”
I want to take a moment to sincerely thank both Robert and our anonymous respondent for their openness and courage. Sharing something this personal is not easy, and their willingness to do so so that others might feel less alone is a generosity I don't take lightly. These are not easy stories to tell, and I hope they are received with the respect they deserve.

I hope that these may offer many of you a better understanding on what it can feel like to be dependent on alcohol. Currently, the leading treatment in alcoholism revolves around speaking to others who can relate—primarily AA, and other forms of group therapy. As alcohol is so often connected to our social lives, it can be very helpful during the transition to create a new community. As for those with loved ones, Al-Anon is an incredible resource. Like AA, it is a form of group therapy, open to anyone with a desire to recover from the adverse effects of living with or having a relationship with an individual addicted to alcohol.
Beyond AA and Al-Anon, there are several other resources available to those struggling with alcoholism.
The SAMHSA National Helpline (1-800-662-4357) is a free, confidential, 24/7 treatment referral service for individuals and families facing substance use disorders.

SMART Recovery is a science-based alternative to AA that focuses on self-empowerment and cognitive tools rather than a spiritual framework. It is a meaningful option for those who find the AA model isn't the right fit.
For those who prefer one-on-one support, many therapists specialize in addiction, and Psychology Today's therapist finder (psychologytoday.com) allows you to filter by specialty, location, and insurance.
Medication-assisted treatment, such as naltrexone, is also an increasingly recognized and effective option, and may be something worth discussing with a physician or psychiatrist.

Finally, to anyone reading this who loves someone in the grip of alcoholism, it is important to remember that you cannot want their recovery more than they do. You cannot argue or love someone into sobriety before they are ready, and accepting that truth is, what I have come to learn, one of the hardest parts about mental health. If you have a loved one who is struggling with alcoholism, addiction, an eating disorder, or any other form of mental illness, the most helpful thing you can do is show up for them and remind them you are there. You are also more than entitled to hold a boundary and their hand at the same time. It may be important for you to take care of your own mental health so that you have something left to give.

Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) often closes with what they call their Serenity Prayer, and I feel it is fitting to do the same. So, to those who are struggling, those who may not be sure, and those affected--
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

-Kate Albert

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3/24/2026

Sleep: The Most Undervalued Ritual

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As a college student, I cyclically disrupt my sleep schedule on the weekends and ruthlessly murder it during finals. I can admit that I have more consistency and routine in my life than the average adult—I don’t have kids or anything close to a turbulent career, I am presented with a list of all of my and assignments and responsibilities months in advance, and I still can’t get a hold of my circadian rhythm. All that is to say, I know creating a consistent schedule is incredibly difficult, but I guarantee it will make everything else in life exponentially easier and more enjoyable.
Consider my typical week: On Sundays, I sleep at a reasonable hour and wake at another. I aim for eight hours, trying to maximize my weekday mornings. By Thursday, after four decent nights of sleep, I am officially well rested. Thursday is a great day for me, and if you asked every single system in my body, they may say it's the only great day for me.
Then the weekend comes. I stay up late and sleep in. I’m usually still getting roughly the same number of hours as I do during the week, but everything is pushed back a few hours. Even though I technically make up for the sleep, my body cannot forgive me. And yours probably won’t either.
The thing about sleep that many people don’t realize is that it’s more than simply getting enough hours each night, although that is certainly the first step.
Our bodies run on an internal biological clock called the circadian rhythm, a roughly 24-hour cycle that regulates sleep, hormones, body temperature, metabolism, and even mood. This rhythm is largely controlled by light exposure and regular patterns of sleep and wakefulness. When we dramatically shift our schedules, even if we still get the same number of hours, we create something researchers call “social jet lag.” Social jet lag occurs when our sleep schedule on weekends differs from our weekday schedule, essentially forcing our bodies to adjust to a new time zone every Monday morning.
In other words, sleeping from 12 a.m. to 8 a.m. during the week and then from 3 a.m. to 11 a.m. on the weekend may feel harmless, but biologically it can confuse the body’s internal clock. Studies have found that irregular sleep timing is associated with increased fatigue, poorer mood regulation, and reduced cognitive performance.
Consistency is incredibly undervalued, and more than almost any other form of self-care, sleep schedules may be among the most impactful for both mental and physical health. Research from the American Academy of Sleep Medicine shows that adults who maintain consistent sleep and wake times report better mood, improved concentration, and more stable energy levels compared to those with irregular sleep patterns.
When we train our bodies to fall asleep and wake up at the same time each day, we provide a form of stability that influences everything from stress hormones to immune function. Sleep regulates cortisol (our primary stress hormone), supports memory consolidation, and plays a major role in emotional processing. One reason sleep deprivation makes us feel irritable or overwhelmed is because the brain’s emotional regulation centers, particularly the amygdala, become more reactive when we are tired.
And yet, culturally, we tend to treat sleep as optional.
We live in a world of progress and procrastination, practically begging us to stay up late. Notifications glow, deadlines loom, and the quiet hours of the night feel like borrowed, quiet time we can use to catch up on life, time we can finally be alone. But contrary to many of our beliefs, we are not superhuman. We are animals. We are, in many ways, just tall children.
If you have ever cared for a toddler, you know exactly what sleep deprivation can do to a person. A tired child becomes a tiny dictator—irrational, volatile, and emotionally explosive. Adults are not so different. We may mask it better, but the biology is the same.
As a teenager, I could stay up all night and go to school the next morning with the energy of an athlete who got a solid seven hours of blissful rest. Only four years later, I find myself going partially blind by 5 p.m. if I operate on anything less than five hours of sleep.
As we age, sleep tends to become lighter and more fragmented, making consistent habits even more important. Good sleep hygiene, including regular bedtimes, limited late-night screen exposure, and consistent wake times, can make a measurable difference in sleep quality.
So while the advice may sound simple, it remains one of the most powerful mental health interventions available: go to sleep at roughly the same time each night, and wake up at roughly the same time each morning.
Your Thursday self wants more stagetime.

March 30: Bipolar Day

Vincent Van Gogh was one of the most influential and incredible artists of all time. As many know, he was also incredibly misunderstood and undervalued in his lifetime. It wasn’t until after his death that his paintings were reexamined, finally understood as the masterpieces they are.
Van Gogh was born on March 30, 1853 in the Netherlands. While he may have been robbed of fame, and most importantly, appreciation, his birthday is commemorated with something similarly misunderstood. March 30th marks World Bipolar Day.
Yes, there are many similarities between the artist and the disorder that I particularly find beautiful, but the commemoration breaches abstraction. Van Gogh is widely believed by historians and psychiatrists to have experienced bipolar symptoms. During his infamous one-year stay at a French asylum in Saint-Rémy, the artist completed over 150 paintings and 100 drawings. Many of his most celebrated works, including The Starry Night, were created during this period of intense psychological struggle.
In the media today, people with bipolar disorder are seldom portrayed with the creativity, intelligence, and productivity that Van Gogh maintained throughout his life. Instead, the condition is often simplified into instability or chaos. Yet many influential figures and artists are believed to have lived with bipolar disorder or similar mood conditions: Jackson Pollock, Virginia Woolf, Ernest Hemingway, Sylvia Plath, Edgar Allan Poe, Winston Churchill, Isaac Newton, and Carrie Fisher.
This is not to suggest that bipolar disorder creates greatness, or that suffering is a prerequisite for brilliance. Romanticizing mental illness can be just as harmful as dismissing it. Bipolar disorder is a serious condition that can affect every aspect of a person’s life, including relationships, work, and physical health. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, bipolar disorder affects about 2.8% of adults in the United States each year, and it is characterized by cycles of depressive episodes and manic or hypomanic periods that can dramatically alter mood, energy, and behavior.
But what these histories remind us of is something equally important: people living with bipolar disorder are not defined solely by their diagnosis. They are artists, scientists, writers, parents, leaders, and friends. Their experiences can include immense difficulty, but also empathy, creativity, and perspective that shape the world in meaningful ways.
World Bipolar Day exists not only to raise awareness of the disorder, but also to challenge the stigma surrounding it. Like Van Gogh’s paintings, mental illness is often misunderstood at first glance. It can take patience, compassion, and a willingness to look more closely before we truly understand what we are seeing.
Van Gogh once wrote, “What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?” His life reminds us that even in moments of deep struggle, human creativity and resilience can endure. Recognizing World Bipolar Day is not about celebrating suffering. It is about recognizing humanity, advocating for understanding, and reminding those who live with bipolar disorder that their lives, like Van Gogh’s art, are invaluable. Even if many haven't fully recognized that yet.

-Kate Albert

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2/17/2026

Eating Disorders: It's time to break the stigma

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When it comes to mental health, there are conversations that feel uncomfortable, even impolite and violating. Eating disorders are one of them. They are pervasive, deeply stigmatized, and often invisible. They have the power to quietly shape the way people move through the world.
This month, I wanted to write about what I see as one of the most pressing and under-discussed struggles of our generation. Most of us, including myself, have either watched someone we love struggle with disordered eating, or have quietly struggled with it ourselves.
My first experience with eating disorders came from inside my childhood home. I do not remember the exact moment food shifted from something instinctive and joyful to something calculated, but I know that it did.
There was a time when food was simply nourishment. It was something to enjoy, to share, to experiment with, to be grateful for. It was not moral or earned, it was not a reflection of discipline or worth. Many of us, even with the healthiest relationships with food, can trace a similar shift.
I grew up in Los Angeles, California, a city with some of the most diverse and extraordinary food in the world. Restaurants in LA are creative, vibrant, and endlessly experimental. But they exist alongside something else: an industry built on optimization, aesthetic perfection, and perpetual self-improvement.
There are billboards advertising the newest weight loss injection. Juice cleanses marketed as “resets.” Gyms on every corner. Bodies on display, bodies curated, sculpted, filtered.
I never though about myself as someone who really struggled with eating, possibly because of the people who surrounded me. I think this speaks for nothing but its normalcy, which I hope speaks for its urgency. While writing this post with my friends and family in mind, I reflected deeply on my own relationship with food, and found that I too have a long way to go.
I began to think about myself as a little girl, embarrassed to eat her school lunch without fully understanding why. I thought about a daughter I could have one day, counting calories before she learns long division. I reminded myself of a photograph my parents took of me at eleven, sitting on the beach during a family vacation, and the shame I felt when I saw how my thighs looked.
Shame is a dictator. It teaches you to negotiate with yourself, to act against yourself. Food is nourishment, not a punishment and certainly not a reward.
To understand how this happens, how food shifts from nourishment to negotiation, it helps to understand the psychology behind eating disorders.
Eating disorders almost always co-occur with anxiety disorders. For many, controlling food intake becomes a way to exert order over an otherwise chaotic world. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) also co-occurs, and may be one in the same with anxiety, often predating the eating disorder itself. At their core, these struggles are often about reclaiming agency, creating rules, and finding certainty in numbers when emotions feel unmanageable. To hyper fixate on food, or to drown out the world with food is the ultimate distraction, the ultimate self-punishment. It is displaced anxiety.
When most people think of eating disorders, they think of Anorexia Nervosa, a condition characterized by restrictive eating, intense fear of weight gain, and a distorted relationship between body image and self-worth. Within anorexia, there are two primary subtypes: a restricting subtype and a binge-purge subtype.
But it’s important to remember that no two eating disorders are alike.
Binge Eating Disorder, for example, often occurs independently of restriction. Individuals may experience a profound sense of loss of control while eating, consuming large quantities of food rapidly and in isolation, often accompanied by intense distress.
This can escalate into a painful cycle of cognitive dissonance, where one’s behavior conflicts with one’s beliefs. When that tension becomes unbearable, the mind adapts. It is much easier to change the way we think than the way we behave.
Someone struggling may convince themselves that nothing is wrong, that they are simply stressed, disciplined, or trying to be healthy. Denial becomes a coping mechanism until it is indistinguishable from genuine belief.
Eating quickly, for instance, can become a way to outrun awareness, to silence the internal voice that might otherwise intervene.
Bulimia Nervosa follows another pattern. Individuals may cycle between episodes of binge eating and compensatory behaviors such as vomiting, misuse of laxatives, or excessive exercise. Unlike anorexia, bulimia does not always present with visible weight loss, making it even more difficult to detect.
I am disheartened to admit that I have failed to notice many people in my life struggling with disordered eating. While some mental illnesses manifest outwardly, eating disorders often hide in plain sight. They are concealed behind jokes about dieting, behind “wellness” trends, behind self-deprecating comments about body image.
Many go to great lengths to avoid confrontation, not only with friends and family, but with themselves.
There are many other forms of disordered eating that present in vastly different ways, motivated by vastly different struggles, such as trauma, perfectionism, identity, cultural pressure, comparison. Not all disordered eating meets clinical criteria for a formal diagnosis. But all of it deserves compassion. If you feel that you or someone you love is struggling, early intervention significantly increases the likelihood of recovery.
I am beyond proud to say that my relationship with food and with my body has never been more stable, more grounded, or more compassionate. Healing did not mean loving every part of myself every day, it meant eating without calculating. It meant going to dinner without strategizing. It meant understanding that my body is not a project to perfect, it is a home to protect, to nourish, to fuel so that I can have the energy to do the things I love, to be present with the people I love.
I have surrounded myself with people who see food as nourishment, as connection, and as pleasure. Slowly, I have found my way back to something resembling that child-like relationship with food, intuitive, curious, unburdened.
I hope that for anyone else struggling, they may know there is room to speak up and to seek help. And that most importantly, they are far from alone.

- Kate Albert

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1/21/2026

New Years Resolutions and Fresh Starts

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The holiday season is coming to an end, and for many, it feels as though life may be returning to some state of normalcy. January, though cold, is a beautiful time to start writing a new chapter, or start finishing up the last one. Many of you may have even participated in the traditions of New Year's Resolutions, Dry January, or burning notes. As beautiful as these traditions may be, it's important to remember these acts are rituals— that is, they are supposed to be celebratory, they are supposed to help facilitate joy, wellness, and ultimately community into the new year, not stress and self-esteem issues. The beginning of the calendar year is a great time to make positive changes, but it’s not inherently a better time than any other ordinary day. Don’t let pressure to grow stop you. Learn how to use it to your advantage!

The bitter truth is that most resolutions fail. The good news is that yours won't.

This is because most resolutions fail due to their rigid and out-come focused nature. That is, try to set goals for yourself that prioritize identity-based growth, rather than ones which require external verifications of success. For example, shifting from ‘I would like to lose weight,’ can be shifted to ‘I would like to exercise more often.’ And, ‘I would like to read x amount of books,’ will prove to be more successful when reimagined as ‘I would like to develop the habit of reading before bed.’ ‘I will get a promotion this year,’ for example, is a goal that offers no personal benefits. Look inwards, ‘I would like to find more excitement in my work,’ may be a more fulfilling and successful perspective with the same end goal.

The most common resolution is prioritizing health and weight loss, but rather than setting a specific amount of days to hit the gym, try intuitive movement when it comes to you. Intuitive movement can mean dancing, walking in nature or with loved ones, or simply stretching without timers and routines. Rather than starting the newest diet or counting your calories, try choosing foods that leave you feeling strong and energized.

Ultimately, focus on small habits. Switch your perspective from ‘what do I want,’ to ‘who do I want to become.’ Don’t set goals for yourself that only require one bad day to destroy your pursuits. Growth is a spiral staircase, not a straight line. And if you break or have already broken your resolution, rethink your intentions and remember that tomorrow is a brand new day that's never been touched.
-Kate Albert

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12/22/2025

Holiday Stress Managment

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The holidays are often supposed to be joyful and restorative, right?

Wrong. For most people, this time of year is actually the most stressful of all: financial pressure, uncomfortable family dynamics, travel, social obligations, the weather. The list goes on.
Beyond the obvious, the expectation to feel happy can quietly overload your nervous system. But understanding what stress actually is and how to work with your body rather than against it can make the season far more manageable.

Stress is not just a feeling; it’s a biological response. When your brain perceives a threat, whether it be emotional, social, or physical, it activates the sympathetic nervous system, releasing hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. These hormones increase heart rate, blood pressure, and blood sugar, preparing your body for “fight or flight.”

This response is adaptive in short bursts, but during the holidays stress often becomes chronic. Prolonged cortisol elevation can impair sleep, digestion, immune function, and mood regulation.
Holiday stress is unique because it combines:

Time pressure (travel, deadlines, packed schedules)
Social evaluation (family expectations, comparison, old dynamics resurfacing)
Emotional labor (managing others’ feelings while suppressing your own)
Disrupted routines (sleep, diet, exercise)

Your body cannot distinguish between a real danger and an emotionally loaded dinner conversation, so physiologically, it will react the same way.
Here’s what you can do to take care of your body.

Regulate the nervous system first. Stress is embodied, so relief should be too. Slow breathing and brief walks will remind your body that there is no physical threat. Even a few minutes of silence can activate the parasympathetic (the rest and digest) system.

Release your expectations. Perfectionism keeps cortisol high. Choose one thing that matters most this season and let the rest be “good enough.”

Prioritize recovery time. Value moments with no input, no conversations, no screens, no obligations. These pauses are not indulgent or a waste of time, they are physiologically necessary.

Name stress instead of suppressing it. Simply acknowledging that an event or plan is stressful can reduce the brain’s threat response. Suppression, by contrast, tends to prolong stress activation.

Keep one stabilizing routine. Whether it’s your morning coffee, a daily walk, or a skincare routine, maintaining one consistent habit gives your nervous system a sense of predictability.

But again, don’t put too many expectations on yourself. The goal isn’t to eliminate stress entirely, but to shorten its duration and support recovery. Small, consistent regulation beats dramatic self-care every time. Good luck and happy holidays!
-Kate Albert

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Burn Away Your Burdens Blog

To the Alcoholic and the One Who Loves Them

Sleep: The Most Undervalued Ritual

Eating Disorders: It's time to break the stigma

New Years Resolutions and Fresh Starts

Holiday Stress Managment

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